I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, she said yes — about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes. Molly B What kind of pants do Mario and Luigi wear? John came fifth and won a toaster.

James B What do you call a dinosaur with only one eye? So I went to a bookshop and found a good joke book, to try and get some inspiration, or just plain steal a joke to use. Meat Patty! Add source. Tom G How did the hipster burn his mouth? Please enter email address By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. No, what stands out, is the enormous tattoo that he has written across his torso, over his belly. Parallel lines have so much in common. Dial the phone number of the guy in the next cubicle whenever he walks away from his desk.

Paul A Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Subscribe to our top stories Subscribe. And a chair. What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old? No, only dogs. Like Calvin Coolidge always say: "Gotta eat somewhere". Facebook Pinterest Twitter. Ann E Have you heard about the guy who stole the calendar?! Jason O My housemate is a huge Richmond Tigers fan.

Jacqueline P. The Frog The Frog. Give me one reason I should go! Ann E Have you heard about the guy who stole the calendar?! I have already activated my account. Consarnit, I need my readers. Trust me — you do not want that parrot! Your browser is out of date. Accountant Jokes One Liners. So, if you aren't working from your couch wearing your PJs and browsing for the best memes that means if you're not a freelancer , you know that having coworkers can be a good and a bad thing.

Because it helps with division. Chyppa Homer Chyppa Homer. Why did the old man fall in the well? We respect your privacy. Your browser is out of date. The gravy train. Does it represent his social commentary on the state of the world? Share On Facebook. Because he couldn't see that well.

Andres Tejeda Andres Tejeda. No wonder! People are dying to get in. Why did it take so long for the pirates to learn the Alphabet? Avengers Jokes. This is the way to use it. Download Bored Panda app! As per usual, upvote your favorite funny memes about work while you're at it!

Pungent Sauce Pungent Sauce. All their organs are alphabetized. Ginny F If Bert Newton was a butcher…how would he introduce his wife? Robert J Have you heard about the band MB? Did you hear about the italian chef that died? Add New Image. I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time consuming. What did one hat say to the other? Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB.

What did one hat say to the other? The gravy train. Dead Cat Jokes. As you can understand, I was pretty crushed… upset… disappointed… vexed… disconcerted. What do you think? She took it out and asked if it learned its lesson yet. A Car. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. Resend activation link. Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app.

The teachers and students hate me! FatBaby FatBaby. Please check link and try again. As per usual, upvote your favorite funny memes about work while you're at it! He wanted to live in the present. Cable Tv Jokes. Because pepper makes them sneeze! Robert J Have you heard about the band MB? Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger.

Single one of these two is already like winning a lottery.. We operate within a team-based structure , and our customer group is responsible for finding, winning and keeping customers. People are dying to get in. Subscribe to our top stories Subscribe. Remember FB? Nikki D Nikki D. Gudrun V Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? My friend says to me: "What rhymes with orange" I said: "No it doesn't" What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? Read our large collection of Funny Dad Jokes. As you can understand, I was pretty crushed… upset… disappointed… vexed… disconcerted.

For me though, as long as you have food and cake, I will come. Catrina Tamerius Catrina Tamerius. I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time consuming. Parallel lines have so much in common. Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. And the same human beings that make the office job bearable and give the best material to funny memes. Because it was two-tired! David M Two friends are walking down the street thinking of something to do.

Of course. The owner listened to the complaints and finally asked him how he used the fan. Follow us on Flipboard. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. All their organs are alphabetized. Night Owl Night Owl. The teachers and students hate me! What did the father tomato say to the baby tomato whilst on a family walk?

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. Facebook Add watermark. Dial the phone number of the guy in the next cubicle whenever he walks away from his desk. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. Facebook Pinterest Twitter. After using it the first time, it broke so he took it back for a refund. Why do blind people hate skydiving? It makes cows go completely insane! Robert J Have you heard about the band MB? Then it hit me.

Before I buy a leaf blower I want to make sure I understand the rules. And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life". The plot thickens. Irma Goncalves Irma Goncalves. Well, he got 12 months! Nikki D Nikki D. I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, she said yes — about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes. He sits down and orders a drink. As you can understand, I was pretty crushed… upset… disappointed… vexed… disconcerted. I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time consuming.

Finally, a QA engineer walks into the bar, orders a beer, ten beers, 2. Like- how? Because it helps with division. Krunal P What did the right eye say to the left eye? She took it out and asked if it learned its lesson yet. Why is Peter Pan always flying? Janene S Why is it impossible to starve in the desert? Download Bored Panda app! Meeow Meeow. What did the traffic light say to the car?

Nipple Jokes. Well, he got 12 months! A tire. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up? Pungent Sauce Pungent Sauce. Christina H Why did the woman go on the date with the mushroom? Sign Up. We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted.

Dial the phone number of the guy in the next cubicle whenever he walks away from his desk. A Do-you-think-he-saw-us! Login Forgot your password? A product manager walks into the bar and asks for a drink. A: Because it has a lot of patients. Nipple Jokes. We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide social media features, and analyze our traffic. Change image Upload Photo Ooops! She still isn't talking to me. Honestly, between you and me something smells.

After using it the first time, it broke so he took it back for a refund. Nipple Jokes. As you can understand, I was pretty crushed… upset… disappointed… vexed… disconcerted. This is the way to use it. My friend says to me: "What rhymes with orange" I said: "No it doesn't" What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? Is it a pet name? Funny Office Joke — 37 I went for an interview for an office job today. Your browser is out of date. I've always laughed at movies that show the parents get up in the morning, cook breakfast, read the newspaper, make lunch for the kids, have a shower, have breakfast, travel to work and still be on time for work.

How do you get an astronaut's baby to sleep? Robert J Have you heard about the band MB? Rosie Hamilton Rosie Hamilton. Night Owl Night Owl. A Do-you-think-he-saw-us! I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. Amanda Ford Amanda Ford. I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger.

He pasta way. Kayleigh M A man goes to the zoo. You look drunk. Remember FB? Of course. Final score:. A drunk Elm programmer walks into the bar. What did one hat say to the other? Jessica B Why should you never fall in love with a tennis player? Is it a pet name?

Add New Image. Login Forgot your password? Chyppa Homer Chyppa Homer. One day you feel as if they are your second family, the next one you hate even the slightest breathing noise that comes out of the walking office memes' mouths. Meat Patty! We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide social media features, and analyze our traffic. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. Tom G How did the hipster burn his mouth? Five letters.

Resend activation link. Where do you find a cow with no legs? You look drunk. It scares the hell out of their dogs. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day. Eat Girl Eat Girl. So, if you aren't working from your couch wearing your PJs and browsing for the best memes that means if you're not a freelancer , you know that having coworkers can be a good and a bad thing. Give me one reason I should go! How was it?

We will not publish or share your email address in any way. This is the way to use it. Parallel lines have so much in common. Then it dawned on me. Five letters. As per usual, upvote your favorite funny memes about work while you're at it! He ate his pizza before it was cool. You rocket!

Because it got stuck in a crack. Allison M Two antennas decided to get married, the ceremony was pretty boring, but the reception was great! I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. What did the traffic light say to the car? Naked Jokes. Twitter Render conversation Use html version Generate not embedded version Add watermark. Christian Bale. I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Amanda Ford Amanda Ford. I think i would like a job cleaning mirrors, it's just something I could really see myself doing.

Sinan W Why did the birthday boy wrap himself in paper? A tire. How do you get an astronaut's baby to sleep? I told her to get out of my fort. How do crazy people go through the forest? The gravy train. Sign Up Forgot your password? Naked Jokes. The bartender looks confused.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. You stay here. I'm so good at sleeping. Anne Anne. As you can understand, I was pretty crushed… upset… disappointed… vexed… disconcerted. So eventually, after a lot of beers, I pipe up the question. Because it was two-tired! Of course.

Jason O My housemate is a huge Richmond Tigers fan. Get started. No, what stands out, is the enormous tattoo that he has written across his torso, over his belly. Gudrun V Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? Accountant Jokes One Liners. Because pepper makes them sneeze! Anne Anne. Consarnit, I need my readers. Request a personalized demo Get started. My friend says to me: "What rhymes with orange" I said: "No it doesn't" What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?

A woman walks into a library and asked if they had any books about paranoia. For me though, as long as you have food and cake, I will come. Paul A Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Whatdya call a frenchman wearing sandals? Tom G How did the hipster burn his mouth? Krunal P What did the right eye say to the left eye? Belinda G I stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

Are you sure you want to post this? Aye matey. Allison M Two antennas decided to get married, the ceremony was pretty boring, but the reception was great! Read our large collection of Funny Dad Jokes. Funny Office Joke — 37 I went for an interview for an office job today. Funny Office Joke — 33 Our computers went down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. Log In Don't have an account? Login Don't have an account? David B What do diapers and politicians have in common?

Tom R When I met my now wife, I asked if she was vegetarian because she really loved animals. I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time consuming. My friend says to me: "What rhymes with orange" I said: "No it doesn't" What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away. Luis Milian Luis Milian. Please check link and try again. I've always laughed at movies that show the parents get up in the morning, cook breakfast, read the newspaper, make lunch for the kids, have a shower, have breakfast, travel to work and still be on time for work. Michael R Why did the car get a flat tire?

Jon Parker Jon Parker. David B What do diapers and politicians have in common? Allison M Two antennas decided to get married, the ceremony was pretty boring, but the reception was great! Next Post. All their organs are numbered. I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time consuming. The librarian says "They're right behind you! Do they get up in 4 in the morning?